You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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