I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize