if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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