Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
