I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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