Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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