You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
