i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize