i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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