So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize