Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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