God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
