I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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