I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
