the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
