omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
