Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
