Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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