At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
