if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
