At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
