I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
