I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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