That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
