New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I think my moral compass just broke
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
