So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
she peed on how many people?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
