No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
