there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
