covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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