Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
