Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize