I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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