trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
