babies were throwing up all over the place
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
