That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
accomplished twins. life is a go
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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