Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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