Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
