Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
