Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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