so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
