No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize