Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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