Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
