I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
