You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
