yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
