but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Your penis caused this!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
