I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize