but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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