My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
