What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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