Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
