Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
