Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
