you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
