he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You're like the curious george of whores
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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