Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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