My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
