Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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