nut hugger
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
