Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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