We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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