Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Randomize
