I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
