i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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