You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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