Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
