Im at strip club and am horny
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
