where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Boobs are out for the taking
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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