ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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