I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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