Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize
