we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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