I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
