feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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