What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
