I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
