Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
