In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
